**IF YOU KNOW OR KNEW SOMEONE STRUGGLING WITH ADDICTION PLEASE CONSIDER SHARING THIS IN HONOR OF THEIR RECOVERY.**
*full song on YouTube below.
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Dear Courageous Humans,
As you continue to follow along with my creative journey and the inspiration I try to share, let’s dive into something a little more FICTIONAL for a moment.
I recently stumbled upon some long-lost musical recordings from a character I once played, Gerald from Menace II Society. Did you know his name was Gerald Reynolds?
Well, here’s one of those recordings, along with a letter he left behind. Now, these tracks were created back in the early '90s, so the quality may not be as pristine as I’d like it to be, but I’ve done my best to clean them up. And I’m open to any producer/investor who wants to help polish it and take it to the next level.
I’d recommend listening with headphones and turning up the volume so you can really hear Gerald’s heart. Keep in mind, he was going through a lot at the time, and his voice—rugged and raw from his drug use—is a reflection of the struggles he was facing.
This is a glimpse into his soul. So, let’s celebrate his spirit.
Long live Gerald!
To My Friends, Family and Anyone Listening,
I don’t know if anyone will ever find this letter, or if anyone will care when they do, but I gotta get this off my chest. I’ve been holding it in for too long. The thing is, I tried. I really tried, y’all. I tried to be a good man. I had dreams. Big dreams.
I always wanted to be a music artist. There’s something about music that always spoke to me—something in the soul of it. I grew up on Bill Withers, man. He’s always been one of my favorites.
You know, he didn’t have that high, fancy voice like Johnny Gill or Babyface, but when he sang, you felt it. His voice, it was like talking, but with soul. Like he was sharing his heart, not just his notes. That’s what I always wanted—to sing my truth, even if my voice wasn’t big like theirs. And I always dreamed I would looked polished and smooth like one of those black white boys college boys or punks we liked to call them in the streets.
So, I used to sneak around, recording little songs here and there when nobody was looking. I kept it to myself though. I never let anyone hear it. I was scared. Scared that it wasn’t good enough, scared that it wasn’t polished or powerful like the voices I admired. And honestly, I didn’t want anyone to know I was weak enough to have dreams. Dreams of something more than what the streets had in store for me.
But now, I feel like this one song that I wrote, it’s got to be heard. Maybe it was meant to be hidden for a while, but if anyone finds it, then I think it’s time for it to be shared. I wrote this song for me. For the days when I felt like I couldn’t get out of the mud. When everything seemed like it was slipping away from me, and I couldn’t find a way out. I used this song to encourage myself. It gave me strength. I’d play it over and over again, just to remind myself that there’s more to life than the struggle I was stuck in.
Here are the lyrics:
Head up bro.
Head up sis.
You got this.
Isn't it funny.
How life can be?
So much aint sunny.
But I still believe in what you put out.
And If you live faithfully, things turn out fine and joyfully.
I gotta get my head up above muddy waters.
I know I gotta get up for the sons and daughters.
Stay the race all mothers and fathers.
Life is depending on you.
To see us through.
I got get my head up above Muddy Waters.
I know I gotta get up for the sons and daughter. I’m gonna put the pedal to the metal til I see the victory. I gonna keep my head up. Even when I don't believe.
I wish I could.
Take away the pain in life.
Cast it away and see Everybody feel alright.
Deep down I know Everything is just as it should be.
The lessons you've learned One day will make you so happy
When You try so hard and can't get a break.
Give a little more, you got more than you think.
You do, you do, you do.
I gotta get my head up, up above muddy waters.
I know I gotta get up for the sons and daughters. Stay the race all mothers and fathers
Life is depending on you, to see us through.. I'm I'm I'm I'm- I'm I’m trying to get away from here.
No More Muddy Waters.
I'm trying to get awaaay from here.
No more Muddy Waters.
I'm tryin to put the petal to the metal.
Never gonna let up til I see victory.
I'm trying to get away from here. No more Muddy Waters.
Pedal to the metal. Pedal to Metal. Pedal the Metal.
Out of these Muddy Waters.
Pedal to the Metal. Pedal to the Metal. Petal to the Metal. Out these Murky Waters. Way From Here.
Head up.
Head Up.
Don't Give Up.
Head Up.
I want y’all to know, if you’re struggling, if you’re stuck in the hood, if you’ve been abused, neglected, betrayed—this song’s for you. I may not have made it out, but I want you to. I want you to know that you’re not alone in this fight. I wanted to encourage the youth, the ones who are just starting to feel trapped, just starting to fall into the same patterns I did. I wanted to say to you, “Don’t stay in the mud. Don’t stay stuck.”
But I gotta be honest with you. Today’s the last day I’m ever gonna use crack. I swear it. I’ve been saying that for a while now, but today, I know it’s real.
I’m celebrating my birthday today, and I thought—let me get one last hit. Just one last time. I know I’ve been using these cheeseburgers I been makin’ to get my fix, and a lot of folks were cool with it, some even hungry and happy I had them, but a few got mad at me talking about they ain’t buying shit from me cause I stink and look bad. Hell, I look good to me.
But I thought I’d just try one more time. I heard O-Dog and them were around the corner, so I figured I’d go out, get a little pick-me-up high, and then I’d come back and record some more songs.
I wanted to leave something behind. Something that wasn’t just about the struggle, but also about the strength it takes to survive it. I wanted to leave you with this song, to remind you, there’s always a way out—even if I can’t seem to find mine yet.
I just want y’all to know I tried.
I tried to be better. I tried to make it out.
I just couldn’t.
But maybe, just maybe, this song will help someone else break free from the things that keep them down. Maybe, in the end, that’s all that matters.
So, if you find this song, if you hear it, just know it was for you.
Keep your head up, stay strong, and remember, you don’t have to stay stuck in the mud.
With love,
The Crackhead from Menace II Society
(But I wasn’t always just that)
*all music and lyrics created and performed by Dwayne Barnes.
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